Do You Realize?

This is an excerpt from Terrence Kemp McKenna speech:

"We have to stop consuming our culture.

We have to create culture.

Don't watch TV, don't read magazines, don't even listen to NPR (National Public Radio).

Create your own roadshow.

The nexus of space and time, where you are now, is the most immediate sector of your universe. 

And if you're

worrying about Michael Jackson or Bill Clinton or somebody else, you are disempowered.

You are giving it all away to icons. Icons which are maintained by an electronic media, so that you want to dress like X or have lips like Y. This is shit-brained, this kind of

thinking. 

That is all cultural diversion.

And what is real is you and your friends, your associations, your highs, your orgasms, your hopes, your plans, and your fears.

And we are told no. We're unimportant, we're peripheral, get a degree, get a job, get a this, get a

that, and then you're a player.

You don't even want to play in that game.

You want to reclaim your mind and get it out of the hands of the cultural engineers who want to turn you into

 a half-baked moron 

consuming all this trash that's being manufactured out of the bones

of a dying world. Where is that at?".

How I Met The Apple pt.2

So I actually released training tees under the name of my own so-called club. And there were like 3 pieces unsold. Fortunately the apple agreed to buy one. So I reserved the xs for her. This occurrence was during my practical times.

At my workplace, a senior staff invited me to her sister's wedding ceremony on sunday. I don't know whom should I go with as most of the guys were busy during the weekend. So I asked her if she'd want to. She could as well pick her training tee from me. To my surprise again, she accepted the invitation. This time, we're travelling by public transportations.

We went to the feast. There I looked for the inviter and surprisingly she didn't recognize me...... But we ate a lot! And left afterwards.

We waited for quite a moment at the bus stop as they said the place are frequented by taxis. Tired of waiting, we walked half a mile to another place where we finally stopped a taxi.

We went back by the LRT. Because it was too early, she said that it'd be nice if we could go for a walk to jalan TAR. I agreed. So we went there, walked through the ocean of people and finally made it to sogo. We watched buskers sing and painters paint in front of the building. Because it was too crammed and our legs were getting tired we decided to get in and find someplace to eat.

She ate and we drank watermelon juice. After that we went to the prayer room at the basement and prayed. We left the place and got on the LRT. I said goodbye when the train reached cheras. She continues with her journey back to her college.

That was what I remembered the 2nd time I met her.

Caffeine...

It's been 2 and a half hours.
I can't sleep.
I've closed my eyes.
I've tried every methods.
I actually am very tired after today's workout.

But i can't sleep.
This manmade poison. It's torturing me.
Slowly but surely.
Well I really need this rest,buddy.
Don't fuck around.
Fuck that. You've been fucking around with me since the moment I lie on this bed.

Yeah sure you're a booster for the brains.
A stick sticking eyes open in the morning.
You might reduce the risk of getting Alzheimer.
You might reduce the risk of getting Parkinson.

But you're a devil.
A devil lurking during nighttime.
Oh I forgot I was the one who summoned you! At 11.45pm.
But it was just for the moment. That was like 6 hours ago.
You should be heading home somewhere around 3.
But here you are, bothering me.

Go back to your hole little demon.
Find your peace.
I need mine.

It was a terrible idea drinking you, Mr. Coffee late at night.
You'll fuck around.

I should get some rest.
Well if I could!

How I Met the Apple

Well, i think this part is going to be very brief. How did I met her? We were chatting through twitter and I asked her if she would like to watch free movies. I used to work at a cinema and those guys employed there were my companions. LOL companions. The funny part is, I've quit working there a long time ago. Nearly 2 years.

I asked her if she want to, and to my surprise she accepted my invitation. It was quite surprising because I only knew her like.....15days? Something like that. So she came to my college to pick me. She drove all the way from her college and even got lost finding the way to my college. That part was hilarious. I can't stop picking on her about that because people find it easy to get to my place. But that's okay, maybe she was confused by the GPS.

As she arrived, I hopped into her car and there you go, our first live conversation ever. I remembered that day, I've bought a pack of biscuits and a bottle of drinks because I haven't had my breakfast yet. While munching, I offered her a piece of it. She didn't take any. So we moved to the place we've planned for. Upon arriving, we hurried to the cinema to check the showtime. We chose the one I forgot what the time was but it was about 45-60 minutes later so we decided to go around and check that place out.

The place was quite boring. It was a heaven for married couples, families, for those holding up homes. And obviously we don't.

Later, something caught her eyes. 100 Years before the birth of Doraemon exhibition.We went inside. She looked very excited. I can see it through her face. Very obvious. Before we leave the exhibition, she picked a tshirt and dragged it to the counter. It was RM59.99. She opened her satchel and looked shocked. She left her purse in the car. Luckily I have exactly RM60 in my pocket. We left and reached for the purse down at the basement parking. Thank god it was there in the car.

After that we went to the grocery shop on the ground floor to buy some snacks for our movie. We rushed to the cinema when it was about 20minutes more before the show started. We entered the hall exactly after the sign light for the hall was turned on. During the movie, she opened her packed-up popcorns, cheese flavoured, and she didn't like it. I was the one finishing it off. It wasn't that bad. I offered her some of my snacks and she refused too.

Need For Speed was a good movie. At least it didn't bore us. Later on, we went to Subway to have our lunch. I had chicken teriyaki and she had steak and cheese (if I'm not mistaken) and soon she complained about the chewy and hard shredded meat. That's why I don't eat beef.

Later she told me, "I need to shit" and I was like.......Wow. Does that mean she's comfortable hanging out with me? Because most girls will cover up. Even friends I've known for 4-5 years. And her? Not even a month yet. That thrilled me, I'm glad with that,honestly. It makes me feel trusted. LOL trusted. Comfortable maybe? Maybe.

She drove me to my college and we exchanged goodbyes and that was the day I first met the Apple. A good friend of mine.

La Manzana

I'm writing this upon a friend. She's something. Something in a good way.

She's a friend's ex.

It doesn't matter. I'm not wooing her anyway. Just being a friend.

She's taller than me. Slightly taller. Maybe just a few centimeters extra. Her body is quite slim. The type which can eat all they want without gaining weight- every girl's dream body. She's a year younger than me. She's cute, I might say.

She talks a lot,normally. And I like that. Because I'm a boring dude, I don't really talk. She always keep the conversation going. Always got something to say.

I like her laugh. It's different from other girls. She's quite independent too.

She greets me almost every morning. She calls me si kacak at times. Girls don't normally do that. And I like that.

I like her a lot. One of my best companion so far. My outing partner. That's more suitable.

She's my friend. A good friend.

Come on, think of something!

This thing happens every time I want to write here.

My mind will suddenly be shrouded in mists of confusion, I might say, and starts to think about all the things I dreaded.

I mean, I wanna write something readable here, something that everyone could enjoy but my dubious mind keeps me writing some melancholic things and absurdities.

Look, it ain't easy trying to be a writer. Well that's exactly what I'm trying to do.

I'm trying to try being a writer.

And I find it hard to do. I'm focusless. Maybe that's the right way to put it.

Well, maybe sometime we should just take a break and plan.

Oh fuck! That's it! Writers plan!

That's my problem. I don't plan what I wanna write. That's how things turn shitty. That's how my writings turn stupid. And absurd. Well that's the correct way to put it.

Plan your writings. Plan what you wanna do. Some random wise guy once said that

"If you fail to plan, you're planning to fail"

Yeah I guess that's true.

Help

I'm drowning

I'm confused

I can't make up my mind.

I know it's not fair for her. She loves me all her heart and here I am, having feelings for others. The thing is, I didn't ask for it.

My pal and I, we've been together like this since 3 years back. It's even before I know my partner.

My partner and I, we met 15months ago.

I know that I love her. We know we love each other. But we also know that we'll be stuck in this situation forever. We know we can't make it. I have my own commitments. So does her. It's just that, I love her.

No matter how fucked up things are, I will never leave the ones who loves me wholeheartedly. I hope that's fair enough.

Am I?